Military robot fails to deactivate a nuke. that sent people flying in bits and pieces everywhere. The robot was fired but than he went into self destruct mode that destroyed the other half of the world. Then there was no more earth so everyone was safe. Because nukes don’t exist anymore  so no earth=no nukes=everyone’s safe -RS

Local Aquinas school hunts down tickle me elmo. “It was horrible, they took out my left eye.” Aquinas students say it was a harmless prank. The dean of students says “it looked satanic.” The students now say “he was evil, you could see it in his eyes.” -HR

Mike kirchbaum and his son mike Jr are explaining what was there most favorite activity/hobbies were from the Oktoberfest grounds was, they explained that it was the face and body paint. They love it so much because it was cheap. -KF

Carnival gets and early start with creating futuristic rides but was shot down when aliens invaded and was threatening to kidnap all of the people for experimental testing and wanted to destroy the whole cite of the carnival saying “we hate carnivals they are super annoying and we can hear you guys from our planet and it hurts our ears. We have super hearing you know?” Because of this terrifying event that occurred earlier this afternoon everybody on earth is freaking out! Our government is currently negotiating with the aliens to come to an agreement to keep the human race alive. Currently the meeting is not going well. Our government states “we know that this a hard time but DO NOT PANIC we suggest that you stay in you houses and keep the news on so you do not miss any important information.” -JM